Roast Delia for 5 minutes, grate two whole administrators and burn the lot!
Bloody Delia Smith! She has to be the stupidest woman in the history of the world. When she's not bawling drunkenly at Norwich City fans, she's writing the most convoluted recipes I've ever seen. To paraphrase a friend, she's the only person who can make instructions to butter toast last 3 days! Just looked at her recipe for pancakes on the BBC (thinking some good topping ideas might be forthcoming), and it's PARAGRAPHS long. And it's fucking wrong! Salt does not, repeat NOT go into pancake batter (not sweet pancakes, anyway, which is what she was making); it only goes into Yorkshire pudding batter! This is the main reason Yorkshire puddings don't taste like pancakes! Moron! Some things that are not necessary, Delia:
1) "Sift the flour and salt into a large mixing bowl with a sieve held high above the bowl so the flour gets a airing." - 2 things (besides the earlier salt comment): 1, the flour does not need sifting, it works fine just spooned in. 2, if you insist on sifting, it doesn't bloody matter how high the sieve is held! Sifting is sifting, independent of falling distance; and if you know what sifting is, you'll know how to do it anyway!
2) "When all the liquid has been added, use a rubber spatula to scrape any elusive bits of flour from around the edge into the centre" - Typical Delia this one. A RUBBER spatula, eh? Rubber? No, damn you! I want to use a plastic one and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it! And who cares about a couple of batter dregs anyway?
3) "Now melt the 50g/2oz [a very approx conversion, but that would be pedantic] of butter in a pan. Spoon 2 tbsp of it into the batter and whisk it in" - No! This is unnecessary. The butter will mix quite adequately when batter is added to the pan; save yourselves another of Delia's time-wasting steps.
4) "Stack the pancakes as you make them between sheets of greaseproof paper on a plate fitted over simmering water, to keep them warm while you make the rest." - This will not work, heard it before, and tried it. Steam escaping from the pan will render the edges of the pancakes soggy. Put them in a preheated oven on around 50-100 degrees (C, obviously). They will keep fine (especially if covered) for the few minutes it takes to make lots!
Right, enough Delia. Let's move onto Americans. Apparently there's a new horror film out (called Hostel, I believe) where some backpackers are kidnapped and tortured in a Slovakian hostel. In the film, Slovakia is apparently portrayed as a backward country filled with psychotic evil people. The (American) director has defended his film by saying it was designed to mock American audiences with its unrealistic depiction of a country most Americans would never of heard of. Fair enough, I thought, mock them Yanks! But then the director rather shot himself in the foot. All the supposed Slovak locals don't, as might be expected, speak Slovak, he's got them speaking Czech. Now maybe this is part of the joke, but it seems rather pointless to me.
And enough on Yanks (fast moving stuff today, eh?): administrators! They're all fucking, usless, lazy cunts! Ok, this is an unfair generalisation; the one's I am having dealings with now are fucking, useless, lazy cunts. Specificaly my Uni's finance department. I had to make a claim for flights and car parking at Heathrow for a trip for work; having returned, I'm sure you're glad to hear, safe and well, I submitted a perfectly reasonable claim, with documentation, for the flights, the parking, and the mileage. And that was it. But guess what, I've just had it sent back with: "There is no documentary proof enclosed of your hotel claim". What the fuck!?!? Of course there fucking isn't, because I'm not making one!! I could've understood if they'd argued with me on the grounds I could have coached it to Heathrow and saved money, but refusing my claim because I didn't include something I'm not claiming for! For fucks sake these people are utter morons! Now I suppose it's going to take weeks to get my £400 back. Good thing I'm not living on the breadline or I'd be a bit fucked with the rent bill coming up. Do these people not understand that their utter incompetance makes everyone else's life (sometimes much) harder? Why aren't they fired and replaced with someone who can read?!? Oh yeah, because that would be discrimination on grounds of illiteracy. Bastards.
1) "Sift the flour and salt into a large mixing bowl with a sieve held high above the bowl so the flour gets a airing." - 2 things (besides the earlier salt comment): 1, the flour does not need sifting, it works fine just spooned in. 2, if you insist on sifting, it doesn't bloody matter how high the sieve is held! Sifting is sifting, independent of falling distance; and if you know what sifting is, you'll know how to do it anyway!
2) "When all the liquid has been added, use a rubber spatula to scrape any elusive bits of flour from around the edge into the centre" - Typical Delia this one. A RUBBER spatula, eh? Rubber? No, damn you! I want to use a plastic one and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it! And who cares about a couple of batter dregs anyway?
3) "Now melt the 50g/2oz [a very approx conversion, but that would be pedantic] of butter in a pan. Spoon 2 tbsp of it into the batter and whisk it in" - No! This is unnecessary. The butter will mix quite adequately when batter is added to the pan; save yourselves another of Delia's time-wasting steps.
4) "Stack the pancakes as you make them between sheets of greaseproof paper on a plate fitted over simmering water, to keep them warm while you make the rest." - This will not work, heard it before, and tried it. Steam escaping from the pan will render the edges of the pancakes soggy. Put them in a preheated oven on around 50-100 degrees (C, obviously). They will keep fine (especially if covered) for the few minutes it takes to make lots!
Right, enough Delia. Let's move onto Americans. Apparently there's a new horror film out (called Hostel, I believe) where some backpackers are kidnapped and tortured in a Slovakian hostel. In the film, Slovakia is apparently portrayed as a backward country filled with psychotic evil people. The (American) director has defended his film by saying it was designed to mock American audiences with its unrealistic depiction of a country most Americans would never of heard of. Fair enough, I thought, mock them Yanks! But then the director rather shot himself in the foot. All the supposed Slovak locals don't, as might be expected, speak Slovak, he's got them speaking Czech. Now maybe this is part of the joke, but it seems rather pointless to me.
And enough on Yanks (fast moving stuff today, eh?): administrators! They're all fucking, usless, lazy cunts! Ok, this is an unfair generalisation; the one's I am having dealings with now are fucking, useless, lazy cunts. Specificaly my Uni's finance department. I had to make a claim for flights and car parking at Heathrow for a trip for work; having returned, I'm sure you're glad to hear, safe and well, I submitted a perfectly reasonable claim, with documentation, for the flights, the parking, and the mileage. And that was it. But guess what, I've just had it sent back with: "There is no documentary proof enclosed of your hotel claim". What the fuck!?!? Of course there fucking isn't, because I'm not making one!! I could've understood if they'd argued with me on the grounds I could have coached it to Heathrow and saved money, but refusing my claim because I didn't include something I'm not claiming for! For fucks sake these people are utter morons! Now I suppose it's going to take weeks to get my £400 back. Good thing I'm not living on the breadline or I'd be a bit fucked with the rent bill coming up. Do these people not understand that their utter incompetance makes everyone else's life (sometimes much) harder? Why aren't they fired and replaced with someone who can read?!? Oh yeah, because that would be discrimination on grounds of illiteracy. Bastards.
posted by Dave's annoyed | 3:45 AM
9 Comments:
Dave - you are an angry young man
love chief
Weeks, make that months - you're only at the first stage of morons mate, another 3 stages yet - it'll probably be September before you see any pennies!
Just No. Delia Smith is a goddess. If it wasn’t for her we’ve never invented cakes or biscuits or braised lamb shankes – hmmmm meat. I just love food dave, I really do, its almost sexual. You have insulted to this culinary artist. hmm sex. I am an avid reader, Dave, and I leave valuable and respected comments, as you are well aware, but this is ridiculous, Dave. You see, hmm breasts, Delia Smith promotes good cooking, cooking for a long period time, and, like sex, THIS GIVES WOMEN SOMETHING TO DO! What would those poor things do during the day? They would go mad without cooking. They would start chewing up the carpet, or try to fix the hoover and electrocute themselves. But there is a downside: EATING FOOD MAKES WOMEN FAT. We have a dilemma here. Interesting topics raised. I feel progress is being made. :)
"Maybe she's born with it? maybe its mabelline"- Mabelline Group plc copyright 1995
That anonymous dude is an asshole! I love women. sort that fucker out dave or i'll have to call in mi dogs.
grrr
btw - i agree with him about delia
Right, I normally try to be reasonable on these comment sections but not today. You're all wrong (except chief). Hannah, this is only because I got paid yesterday. Mark Anonymous Darby, you're just wrong; Delia is evil and stupid and can't cook for toss. And she doesn't even have nice breasts.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
http://football.guardian.co.uk/gallery/image/0,8556,-10305180563,00.html
Delia is a genius.
1) You do need salt for pancake batter.
2) The plate over a simmering pan of water thing works - I tried it. The steam won't escape if, as Delia instructs, you 'fit' the plate over the pan.
3) Her book and show is called "How to cook" - it's for dummies who don't know how to sift.
4) Adding melted butter to the batter prevents them from doing something which I can't remember because mine never do it.
haha! what a wanker you are.
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