100% pure pleasure
As anyone who has ever watched Friends on channel 4 will know, the sponser's slogan is "Appletizer and Friends; 100% pure pleasure". Well I beg to differ. Even an early episode, when Jennifer Aniston used to wear very short skirts, regularly, cannot be made into 100% pure pleasure using a gaseous, non-alcoholic, apple drink, once you've seen it half a dozen times. No, 100% pure pleasure is when someone who deserves it gets their come-uppance right in front of you.
Take this morning. There's a junction on my way to work (for those who know my way to work, it's where Highfield Lane meets Portswood Road) where a feeder lane allows traffic to turn left. Unfortunately people never indicate when taking the bend so it is quite common to nearly get flattened by some twat turning in too fast at the last minute (here I feel I don't have the moral high ground following an incident on a Welsh country lane, but at least the only things hurt there were my pride any any worms living in the bank). This is exactly what happened to me this morning; some cock in a pathetic little Renault Clio with about 27 exhausts bolted onto it came round said corner and almost killed me. However, as he cleared the bend, he encountered a bin lorry in front of him. Fortunately for him he had pretty good reactions and managed to swerve sufficiently to avoid the back-end of the lorry, but not good enough to avoid the wheely bin 6 foot behind the lorry in the road.
BANG!! One of the most satisfying non-orgasm related noises I've ever had the pleasure to hear. And with that, twat-features was down all his left front lights and required a new wing and bonnet. Now that is 100% pure pleasure.
Now something that isn't 100% pure pleasure: Basic Instinct 2. Have you seen the adverts for this? In a desperate attempt to revitalise her flagging career, an aging Sharon Stone is revisiting the leg-spreading, shock-tactics of her youth. If you've seen any adverts for this you'll notice that the enduring image is of her spread-eagled on a chair with only the back of the chair to protect both her modesty, and our sanity. At first I thought to myself, at least she's covering up pretty comprehensively what with the whole chair. But then I thought, wait a second, she's getting on a bit; she's probably had plenty of men, maybe some kids (in a different way, I hasten to add; perhaps someone who reads 'OK' could confirm/deny that for me). What I'm saying is, there's been plenty of traffic up and down that there thoroughfare, it probably takes a whole chair to cover it up. And then there's the inevitable spreading hair that comes with age; taken as a whole she should be using a 3-piece suite, not a chair. Or maybe she should go and learn to be an actress and not resort to such cheap "soft-porn" tricks.
Porn: now there's something that is either 100% pure pleasure or 100% pure filth depending on your point of view. To the pleasure brigade, it's commitment free, minimally intrusive, on-demand gratification; to the detractors it's exploititative, female-degrading garbage. Whatever your views, you can't deny that porn is one of the most socially inclusive hobbies there is. There can be precious little else in life where such a wide variety of tastes is accounted for; you want women with sexy feet, you got it; fat women, there you go; fat women's feet, no problem; men peeing; men being fucked by women with cocks; fat grannies with shopping bags; housewives on space-hoppers. Yes, whatever you need, it's out there.
Right, that's enough waffle for today; if I don't get on with work I'll be here all night.
Perceptive song lyric of the day: "My humps, my humps, you love my lady lumps". Yes Fergie, I do <"sigh">
Take this morning. There's a junction on my way to work (for those who know my way to work, it's where Highfield Lane meets Portswood Road) where a feeder lane allows traffic to turn left. Unfortunately people never indicate when taking the bend so it is quite common to nearly get flattened by some twat turning in too fast at the last minute (here I feel I don't have the moral high ground following an incident on a Welsh country lane, but at least the only things hurt there were my pride any any worms living in the bank). This is exactly what happened to me this morning; some cock in a pathetic little Renault Clio with about 27 exhausts bolted onto it came round said corner and almost killed me. However, as he cleared the bend, he encountered a bin lorry in front of him. Fortunately for him he had pretty good reactions and managed to swerve sufficiently to avoid the back-end of the lorry, but not good enough to avoid the wheely bin 6 foot behind the lorry in the road.
BANG!! One of the most satisfying non-orgasm related noises I've ever had the pleasure to hear. And with that, twat-features was down all his left front lights and required a new wing and bonnet. Now that is 100% pure pleasure.
Now something that isn't 100% pure pleasure: Basic Instinct 2. Have you seen the adverts for this? In a desperate attempt to revitalise her flagging career, an aging Sharon Stone is revisiting the leg-spreading, shock-tactics of her youth. If you've seen any adverts for this you'll notice that the enduring image is of her spread-eagled on a chair with only the back of the chair to protect both her modesty, and our sanity. At first I thought to myself, at least she's covering up pretty comprehensively what with the whole chair. But then I thought, wait a second, she's getting on a bit; she's probably had plenty of men, maybe some kids (in a different way, I hasten to add; perhaps someone who reads 'OK' could confirm/deny that for me). What I'm saying is, there's been plenty of traffic up and down that there thoroughfare, it probably takes a whole chair to cover it up. And then there's the inevitable spreading hair that comes with age; taken as a whole she should be using a 3-piece suite, not a chair. Or maybe she should go and learn to be an actress and not resort to such cheap "soft-porn" tricks.
Porn: now there's something that is either 100% pure pleasure or 100% pure filth depending on your point of view. To the pleasure brigade, it's commitment free, minimally intrusive, on-demand gratification; to the detractors it's exploititative, female-degrading garbage. Whatever your views, you can't deny that porn is one of the most socially inclusive hobbies there is. There can be precious little else in life where such a wide variety of tastes is accounted for; you want women with sexy feet, you got it; fat women, there you go; fat women's feet, no problem; men peeing; men being fucked by women with cocks; fat grannies with shopping bags; housewives on space-hoppers. Yes, whatever you need, it's out there.
Right, that's enough waffle for today; if I don't get on with work I'll be here all night.
Perceptive song lyric of the day: "My humps, my humps, you love my lady lumps". Yes Fergie, I do <"sigh">
posted by Dave's annoyed | 7:25 AM
1 Comments:
Mmmmm, lady lumps.
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