Terrorist action figures

Have you ever noticed how almost all Islamic terrorists share the same couple of names? It's got to the stage where the police don't really need to find any ID, just pick a random selection of 2 or 3 from Muhammad, Hussain, Akbar, Kahn, Ali, Ibrahim, and Said, toss in an al or 2 and a bin for good measure and you've got yourself a terrorist. Chances are it's not the one you were after, but it will be the name of a terrorist somewhere. There's a fantastic kids toy alternative to Power Rangers where you could buy terrorist action figures that clip together to form a progressively more powerful super-terrorist. Imagine the playground fights:

Boy 1: "My Muhammad-Ibrahim-al-Said-Muhammad-bin-Ibrahim could take your dad any day."
Boy 2: "My Ibrahim-Said-al-Akbar-Hussain-Muhammad-bin-Muhammad-al-Muhammad-Kahn
could take your Muhammad-Ibrahim-al-Said-Muhammad-bin-Ibrahim and your dad and your brother."
Boy 3: "My Akbar-Ali-Ali-Ali-Muhammad-al-Said could take everyone with his extra Ricin power."
Boy 1: "Your mum!"
Cue fight.....

They wouldn't make very good trading cards, though:

Boy 1: "Trade you 14 Muhammads and 8 Alis for 7 Akbars and 2 Ibrahims."
Boy 2: "Nah, got 71 Muhammads and 912 Alis already. But give us your lunch money and you've got a deal."

Can you imagine the mission briefing for any synchronised attacks? Must have been even more excruciating than and episode of Gimme, Gimme, Gimme.

Big boss man: "Muhammad, you go to Glouscester Road; Muhammad, you're at Leicester Square; Muhammad, Paddington; Muhammad, Marble Arch; Ali, the number 345; Ali, 38;...."
Muhammad: "Er, just one question, boss..."

20 mins later...

Big boss man: "Right, so you're Ali-bin-Akbar, you're Ali-bin-Said, you're Ali-bin-Ibrahim, you're Ali-bin-Muhammad..."
Ali-bin-Said: "How come he gets to be Ali-bin-Muhammad? Ali-bin-Said is a little too close to Ali-bin-Sad."
Ali-bin-Muhammad: "Hey, it's just a name."
Ali-bin-Said: "That's easy for you to say, you've got a really devout name. Can't we pick our own names?"
Big boss man: "Nah, tried that in Jerusalem, 2002, didn't work. Ended up with 6 guys fighting over who gets to be Ali-bin-Allah-Akbar. You're Ali-bin-Said."
Ali-bin-Said: "Couldn't I be Ali-bin-Muhammad-Ali, I could live with Ali-bin-Muhammad-Ali."
Big boss man: "You're not Ali-bin-Muhammad-Ali, you're Ali-bin-Said. Now you've made me lose my chain of thought."

But, unfortunately, not all terrorists are quite that stupid, and the ones that are are sat at the bottom of a big hole in Palestine wishing they'd shelled out a bit more on a proper book rather than 'bomb-wiring for dummies'.

Whilst we're on the subject of stupidity, and I don't want to speak too ill of the dead here, but that Brazilian who got himself shot must be a contender for this year's Darwin Award. To run from armed police (who did identify themselves) into an underground station, wearing a puffer jacket on a hot day, after having been challenged to stop because they saw wires in your belt, a day after failed bombings and two weeks after successful bombings on said underground network, has to be the single most stupid thing you could possibly do. Sure it's tragic that he died, very few people actually deserve to die, but what else were the police to do?

But there's no need for these sort of mistakes, terrorists are really easy to spot. To give the police a helping hand, try these for starters; Gerry Adams, Martin McGuinness, Abu Hamza, Robert Mugabe, and Ayatollah Seyed Ali Khamenei. These guys are easy to shoot, we know where they are, and the sooner the fucking better.