Naked Cheggers
Oh bloody buggering hell! My experiment didn't work. Right, back to the drawing board we go to try and work out why. Rectum!
I knew today was going to go wrong. It started badly with someone on the radio talking about Brian Sewell (the pompous art critic) being naked! Well, what they were actually talking about was him in the program "The Naked Pilgrim" on channel 5, which I didn't see but assume he must have been naked or else the name was just a shameless attempt to get more people tuning in. What I want to know is, why the hell is everyone "naked" on TV and radio these days? We have naked scientists (http://www.bbc.co.uk/cambridgeshire/science/2003/09/naked_sci_radio.shtml), naked chefs, and naked actors (http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/guide/articles/n/nicholascraigth_1299002313.shtml). Every program has to be "the Naked Such-and-Such".
What are we to expect next? Who wants to be a naked millionaire;
"You want me to put my willy away. Is that your final answer? Cy-huh!"
The Nakedest Link;
"You HAVE droopy man-breasts. Goodbye."
What if it spreads to kids TV?
"Bob the builder, can we fix it? Yes, but it's going to take a couple of weeks to fully heal. And you should consider using protection next time you have a one-night-build."
It needn't necessarily be a bad thing, though. Naked Neighbours has potential (with lesbians and mud-wrestling?). Naked Hollyoaks (with the sound off, of course). But despite these benefits we must be cautious. The true horribleness of what could happen was revealed a year or two back when channel 5 (again) did a nudist version of The Crystal Maze presented by (deep breath) naked Keith Chegwin (AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!). It scarred me for life and is the reason I developed my disgusting sense of humour, as a defense mechanism. Having said that, it's always nice to know that nature has been meaner to someone else.
And nature has certainly been very mean (albeit in a different way) to a women I recently had the misfortune of dealing with on the phone. I rang a call centre (you can already see where this is going, right) to request a specific piece of paperwork regarding my car insurance. Needing said paperwork in a hurry, I requested it to be sent to my term time address rather than my parents's. I proceeded to spell the address TWICE because she wasn't listening the first time; and what did I find out yesterday? It's been sent to my parents's. Jesus-Fucking-Christ!! Do call-centre job adverts actually read:
"Call centre assistant required,
competitive pay. Must be completely
fucking useless; inability to cope with
even the simplest of tasks not-essential
but an advantage. Please phone
0800-MORONIC for more details."
Gah! Other people are dedicated to making my life more difficult, that's what I think. Right, time to make like the science geek I am and avoid contact with people once again for a long time.
I knew today was going to go wrong. It started badly with someone on the radio talking about Brian Sewell (the pompous art critic) being naked! Well, what they were actually talking about was him in the program "The Naked Pilgrim" on channel 5, which I didn't see but assume he must have been naked or else the name was just a shameless attempt to get more people tuning in. What I want to know is, why the hell is everyone "naked" on TV and radio these days? We have naked scientists (http://www.bbc.co.uk/cambridgeshire/science/2003/09/naked_sci_radio.shtml), naked chefs, and naked actors (http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/guide/articles/n/nicholascraigth_1299002313.shtml). Every program has to be "the Naked Such-and-Such".
What are we to expect next? Who wants to be a naked millionaire;
"You want me to put my willy away. Is that your final answer? Cy-huh!"
The Nakedest Link;
"You HAVE droopy man-breasts. Goodbye."
What if it spreads to kids TV?
"Bob the builder, can we fix it? Yes, but it's going to take a couple of weeks to fully heal. And you should consider using protection next time you have a one-night-build."
It needn't necessarily be a bad thing, though. Naked Neighbours has potential (with lesbians and mud-wrestling?). Naked Hollyoaks (with the sound off, of course). But despite these benefits we must be cautious. The true horribleness of what could happen was revealed a year or two back when channel 5 (again) did a nudist version of The Crystal Maze presented by (deep breath) naked Keith Chegwin (AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!). It scarred me for life and is the reason I developed my disgusting sense of humour, as a defense mechanism. Having said that, it's always nice to know that nature has been meaner to someone else.
And nature has certainly been very mean (albeit in a different way) to a women I recently had the misfortune of dealing with on the phone. I rang a call centre (you can already see where this is going, right) to request a specific piece of paperwork regarding my car insurance. Needing said paperwork in a hurry, I requested it to be sent to my term time address rather than my parents's. I proceeded to spell the address TWICE because she wasn't listening the first time; and what did I find out yesterday? It's been sent to my parents's. Jesus-Fucking-Christ!! Do call-centre job adverts actually read:
"Call centre assistant required,
competitive pay. Must be completely
fucking useless; inability to cope with
even the simplest of tasks not-essential
but an advantage. Please phone
0800-MORONIC for more details."
Gah! Other people are dedicated to making my life more difficult, that's what I think. Right, time to make like the science geek I am and avoid contact with people once again for a long time.
posted by Dave's annoyed | 8:59 AM
|
4 comments
